The anguish and boredom that followed the breakup were replaced by a renewed joy for life
Siiri (Age 33)
I’m a mother of two young children. Before, I worked a lot, and after work, I took care of the children, cooked, and did household chores. I didn’t think about myself. I was devoted to my family. My husband was often away from home, even on weekends. All the responsibilities related to the home were on my shoulders. And then it happened. Life changed unexpectedly, and I fell into a state of anguish and weariness.
It so happened that my husband left me with two children and went to live with another woman. I blamed myself, thinking I hadn’t been a good wife, and that’s why the separation happened. I realised I hadn’t paid enough attention to my husband. I felt worthless, as if no man would ever want me again. I was plagued by constant feelings of inadequacy and blamed myself for everything (bad wife, bad mother, untalented, ugly, stupid, etc.). I kept thinking about what had gone wrong in my life, and old memories kept resurfacing.
The picture is illustrative. Image by Freepik.
The situation ended with me being completely drained of energy. I stayed in bed, no longer interested in anything, not even my children.
I just lay in bed for days, unable to go to work. Eventually, I lost my job. My mother stepped in to support me financially. Thanks to her and the child support payments, we managed to get by. But my anguish only deepened, and I lost all will to live. My mother and friends realised how serious things had become and urged me to seek help. Alongside seeing a doctor, they recommended I try MER biofeedback therapy. After looking into it, I decided to give it a go.
After the first session, I felt a light, pleasant sensation – as if my mind had been emptied. The constant mental chatter had stopped, and I experienced inner peace for the first time in a long while.
When recalling old traumas, I no longer felt tension, and they no longer interested me. For me, this was a very good sign at the time. Some positive change! Right after the therapy, I felt much more energetic. I went home and started cleaning. In the evening, I was surprised at how much I had managed to get done during the day. This made me happy. I slowly started finding joy in my children and the little things in my life again. The will to live returned! I started paying attention to my loved ones, reading books in the evenings, and attending three interesting lectures.
During the second session, the therapist worked on my low self-esteem, feelings of guilt, resistance to change, and fears. A lot of time was spent on the topic of resisting change. I must have been so internally opposed to any changes. The therapist shared some funny examples from her own life, which was inspiring and encouraging.
The picture is illustrative. Image by Freepik.
A few days after the session, I felt the desire to change my clothing and appearance.
I mostly wore black, grey, and dark brown. I felt that these colours no longer suited me. I felt drawn to blue, yellow, red, and orange. I bought two floral dresses and high-heeled shoes. Before, I had never liked floral patterns! Dresses and high heels weren’t my thing either. I was surprised by this change.
But that wasn’t enough for me… I felt I wanted to completely transform my appearance. My old look no longer appealed to me. I decided to dye my hair blonde and started using makeup. My self-esteem began to rise, and life changed completely. I started looking for a job. I wanted a job with morning shifts on weekdays and free weekends. I found a job at a parcel shop. The team was positive and helpful. I’m happy with my job.
During the third session, the therapist worked on anger, mistrust, forgiveness, and love. After the session, I started feeling an interest in men again. This was a new feeling I hadn’t expected. Emotions returned. Before, I had forbidden myself from feeling anything, as I didn’t want to get hurt again. I didn’t trust men; I kept thinking they would just leave me for another woman, and I didn’t want to experience that again. I was afraid of men.
The picture is illustrative. Image by Freepik.
No man could get close to me. I always found an excuse – too many household chores, needing to take the children somewhere, etc. And then the change happened.
At work, it was a colleague’s birthday. The birthday boy suggested going out after work, and I decided to join. And then it happened. I developed feelings for my colleague, and the birthday celebration ended with a dance party. We had a great time. We danced until morning. We were both sleep-deprived, but it felt like we had rested for days. It seemed like we were energising each other. We were bursting with energy and in love!
The next morning (without sleeping), we decided to spend the weekend together. The weather was beautiful, and he suggested taking my children with us and going out into nature. I didn’t even recognise myself! No sooner said than done. We went to my place, woke up the children, and told them the plan was to spend the weekend in nature. The man got along well with the children, and they immediately took to him. Everything happened so quickly, like in a movie. I felt safe with him. He took care of me and my children. Hugging and caring for each other warmed all our hearts. It’s hard to put that feeling into words… you have to experience it yourself.
Now, five months have passed since my last therapy session, and my life has completely changed. My hair colour, clothing, job, and attitude towards men. I’ve found a man who cares for me and my children. He shows through his actions that he cares about us. The previous depression and weariness have been completely forgotten!
I’ve recommended MER biofeedback therapy to many of my acquaintances.
Especially to those who felt stuck in life and didn’t dare to move forward. They also tried the therapy and were happy with the results. A wonderful machine and an interesting technique. We all need to clear our past to move forward in life.