Anxiety disorders and panic attacks disappear, joy in life returns
Kadi (42)
Suddenly, I developed anxiety disorders accompanied by panic attacks. I felt as if I was about to collapse or faint. My thoughts froze, and I couldn’t speak. I was also frightened by numbness in my hands, legs, fingers, and toes. I was terrified!
I went to the doctor and underwent all possible examinations. However, no physical reasons were found for my symptoms. Left alone with my anxiety disorder, I started looking for solutions myself.
I suppose my anxiety disorders arose from long-term exhaustion.
I had many responsibilities and wanted to be a good wife to my husband and a capable mother to my children. I had no time to think about myself. Everyone needed something from me, and I fulfilled their wishes. I lived for others.
Eventually, I hit rock bottom—I was prostrate and unable to work. I was let go from my job, which was understandable given my condition. I started looking for help through various therapies.
Talking about my anxiety disorder made the symptoms worse, so I started avoiding talking about it and no longer shared my worries with family or friends.
As time went on, it got increasingly unpleasant. Apathy and depression set in.
I couldn’t get out of bed and didn’t want to do anything. I felt hopeless, thinking that nothing and no one could help me anymore. The situation had reached a point where I didn’t dare leave the house because I feared collapsing. I had lost my inner strength and desire to do anything. I was constantly afraid of collapsing and fainting. All sorts of thoughts swirled in my head, I even began to fear death.
Then a friend suggested I try MER Biofeedback® therapy. I was told I didn’t have to talk about my anxiety disorder or feelings. This suited me.
At the start of therapy, the therapist said they would balance my negative obsessive thoughts, or programs, using the device. They called this “cleaning the memory stick.” It was necessary so that new positive thoughts could emerge to help me move forward in life.
I understood that we are creators and it is up to us whether we create hell or paradise from our lives!
After the first therapy session, as I was leaving the therapist’s office, I realised my fearful thoughts had vanished!
The anxiety was gone! I got into my car and didn’t dwell on any thoughts. I felt only peace. I had been waiting for this feeling for a long time. I was delighted and thought, “Finally! It gave me energy and inner strength to start making changes into my life. I wanted to do something, and that was a huge achievement for me!
I started with simple things. I got out of bed and began cleaning. It was an act of self-overcoming and a huge achievement for me. When I’d finished, I felt proud—I’d actually managed it!
Day by day, I felt my strength growing. I dared to go out among people, started cooking, took an interest in new things, began reading again, and more. I felt joy—and pride—in these small victories. My self-esteem grew with each day.
Two months later, I went to my second therapy session.
After the second session, I had more energy. I felt calmer and found my inner peace. My confidence grew, and I found myself eager to take on new activities—even learning felt exciting again.
The urge to act had returned. I joined various courses, meeting new and fascinating people. Throwing myself into self-development, I discovered like-minded souls who soon became friends. Twice a week we’d meditate together, then while away hours in cafés. These gatherings felt nourishing – full of uplifting conversations and proper belly laughs. We learned to take ourselves lightly, and life followed suit.
I let go of old acquaintances, realising our time together no longer served either of us. Their constant complaints – without any will to change – drained me. Eventually I told them plainly: “If you keep complaining, nothing will improve. Find hobbies, address your problems properly – life can be joyful!” But it became clear they preferred stagnation to growth.
My evenings transformed into walking rituals. Five to seven kilometres daily, along the sports track bordering Nõmme Forest. This became my sacred habit – the rhythm of my steps untangled anxious thoughts, the pine-scented air dissolved tensions. I’d return home physically spent but mentally clear, guaranteed deep, restorative sleep.
I channelled my energy into self-development, filling my days with purposeful activities.
My days brimmed with vibrant activity. Cooking blossomed into both hobby and pleasure—I experimented with exotic dishes, hosting my new friends to share this passion. Soon we established “Taste-Thursdays”, a weekly ritual where we’d alternate homes, each bringing adventurous creations. Later, we crowned it “The Feast of Small Joys”—a day permitting guiltless indulgence in cakes, pies, and every buttery delight. After all, one weekly celebration of flavour harms no health; rather, it nourishes happiness and brings joy.
I went to therapy for the third time, and after three sessions, I can confidently say that I have overcome my anxiety disorders. I have found new areas that interest and excite me. Additionally, I have found supportive and encouraging friends. The hobbies I’d forgotten—the small joys that make life vivid—have returned, not as distractions, but as a testament to how far I’ve come.